


Chaotic Teaching AU

by Southerner_holby



Category: Falsettos - Lapine/Finn, Falsettos - Lapine/Finn (Broadway Cast) RPF
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-16
Updated: 2020-07-02
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:08:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24759088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Southerner_holby/pseuds/Southerner_holby
Summary: They all teach at the school Jason goes to.They have a group chat.Mendel is chaotic.Chaos ensues.
Relationships: Dr. Charlotte/Cordelia (Falsettos), Trina/Mendel Weisenbachfeld, Whizzer Brown/Marvin
Comments: 43
Kudos: 61





	1. The Beginning of the Chaos

“Jason, dinner!” Trina shouted from the bottom of the stairs. A couple of seconds later, he emerged from his bedroom and came pounding down the stairs like a lion about to attack an antelope. 

A few seconds later, a knock at the door prompted the arrival of Marvin, Whizzer, Charlotte and Cordelia. They decided to have dinner together before the start of the   
new school year which would no doubt come with stress and arguments for the next 11 months. 

“Hey Jason!” They all exclaimed at the sight of Jason rushing down the stairs to seek food. 

“Hi!” he smiled back. 

“Ready for school tomorrow?” Cordelia asked. 

“Erm, I guess” he replied, trying to hide how much he was dreading going to the school where all of his parents taught. 

They all sat down, after Marvin had come up with a name for the animal they were eating (eventually deciding on the name of Artem for said chicken), they started   
eating. 

All of the adults started talking about their classes and last minute lesson plans, none of them noticing how zoned out Jason was. 

When there was a gap in the conversation, Jason decided to mention something that was bothering him. 

“Hey, guys, tomorrow, could you like pretend not to know me or something? Just, don’t be too parenty, I don’t want everyone to know I’m related to nearly all the   
teaching staff.” He looked up at each of them, hopeful that they would be okay with it and not act too dramatic at his request. Unfortunately for him, his family weren’t   
exactly low-key. 

“Surely you’re not worried about us embarrassing you?!” Mendel said, as if the idea was completely ridiculous. 

“Kind of, like I love you guys and everything, but I don’t want my friends to think it’s weird.”

“But that’s what we’re here for! The purpose of every parent is to embarrass their beloved offspring!” Whizzer said, ruffling Jason’s hair. 

“Yeah! Parents are supposed to embarrass you, and we are all effectively your parents lil boi” Charlotte interjected. 

“We need to protect you from all evil in the world oh precious one!” Cordelia said in a high-pitched voice. 

Jason just sighed. “I’m 14, I don’t need protecting”. 

“Jason, I know you’re practically a man, but can I at least be nice to you? I am the coolest out of all of us?” Whizzer asked, knowing full well that he was definitely   
Jason’s coolest parent. He wore leather jackets for goodness sake!

“Fine, you can know me, but none of the rest of you.” Whizzer grinned at Marvin, mocking his husband who was inferior in coolness. Marvin whacked his arm. 

Trina gasped. “My own son, disowning me”, she pretended to faint, and Mendel caught her.

“Don’t worry honey, he’ll grow out of this abhorrent hatred for us at some point.”

“Hey, why is Whizzer the cool one?! I found him in the first place, why can’t I be the cool parent?!” 

“Because, dad, you like Shakespeare”

“Point taken”, Marvin looked defeated. 

“Don’t worry Marv, I think you’re cool” Whizzer put his arm around Marvin and cuddled him closer. 

“Why can’t we be the cool godparents?” Charlotte realised she had also been called uncool. 

“Because you’re way too enthusiastic about my existence,” Jason said matter-of-factly. 

“But we’re supposed to be!” Cordelia argued, but to no avail. 

“Look, I’m not asking you to disown me completely, but to just keep it low-key. I know you’re all incapable of being low-key as the majority of you are very gay, but   
just try, please?”

“Fine”

“Whatever” they all said glumly. 

“But I can high-five you if we pass each other in the corridor, right?” Mendel asked quietly. 

“No.” Jason replied. Mendel sobbed, acting as if he’d just been banished from his own house. 

After this conversation, Jason finished his dinner and left the table. 

“Night honey, see you tomorrow!” Trina shouted. 

“Night, guys” he replied in the general direction of the table. 

“But who doesn’t like Shakespeare?” Marvin asked. The rest of the table looked at him as if he was the most stupid man on earth. 

“You don’t like Shakespeare? You’re all missing out!” He exclaimed. “This is an absolute travesty!” The rest of them rolled their eyes, and Whizzer patted his shoulder. 

“It’s okay, you’re allowed to like Shakespeare because I’m the cool parent”.

“Thank you baby” Marvin kissed Whizzer. 

“Right, we should probably get going, we want to be well-rested for inevitable wrath that the students will possess tomorrow!” Whizzer suggested. They all got up and   
left, saying their goodbyes on the way towards the front door, leaving Trina and Mendel sat at the table. 

Trina noticed how defeated Mendel looked after Jason’s comments. “Mendel, sweetheart, it’s okay,” she rubbed his shoulder and kissed his cheek, “You’ll always be his   
step-dad at home, just not at school”. 

“I know,” he sighed, “at least Marvin isn’t a cooler parent than me”. Trina laughed at the rivalry between Marvin and Mendel to win Jason’s affection. She hoped Mendel wouldn’t be too enthusiastic around Jason at school, because she knew he wouldn’t just ignore him, but that’s why she loved him so much. 

“I love you, honey.” She kissed his head, which she was cradling in her arms, to comfort him. 

“I love you too.” He looked up at her with puppy eyes. 

“Let’s go to bed so you can calm down”.

The following morning, Jason woke up to Mendel’s face a mere few inches from his own, grinning. 

“Rise and shine, it’s education time!” he shouted. He was definitely too passionate about education. 

Jason fell out of bed, as anyone would if they woke up to a sight like that. 

“Mendel, don’t do that!” he rubbed his head, having hit it on the floor. 

“Ah, sorry Jason, too much?”

“Just a bit!”

Trina popped her hear round the door. “Mendel! Let the poor boy relax!” She dragged Mendel out of the room, leaving Jason to get ready. Mendel didn’t seem to get   
the memo about being low-key. But then again, when was Mendel ever low-key?

Jason did his best to flatten his curly hair, but to no avail. He didn’t want to look too much like Mendel, Marvin or Whizzer, so he decided to wear black jeans and a   
dark blue t-shirt. Trina thought he looked like some kind of goth, but at least he was wearing some colour! 

While Jason was eating his breakfast, he hear his mother’s phone ping. He rolled his eyes at the inevitable return of the chaotic teacher group chat. It had been a thing   
ever since they all met. He found out about it when Mendel left his phone unlocked on the dining table. It was the worst thing he could possibly ever see. 

**Madre:** Remember everyone, low-key for Jason, please? We don’t want him requesting to transfer to a different school. 

**Psycho:** ☹☹☹ 

**Psycho:** Wait

**Psycho:** I can’t figure out how to change my name back

**Psycho:** Help

**Marius:** It’s for your own good. Shakespeare agrees

**Scary Shakespeare:** I definitely agree

**Sexy Doctor:** Cordelia added the sexy bit, I’m not that self-obsessed

**Fiery Cook:** Well Char added the fiery bit

**Sexy Doctor:** You nearly burnt the school down

**Fiery cook:** It only happened once, and I put it out! 

**Madre:** Stop bullying Mendel

**Marius:** But it’s funny

**Scary Shakespeare:** It’s definitely funny

Trina rolled her eyes and put her phone in her pocket. 

“Right, let’s go” Mendel excitedly grabbed his rucksack and put it on like it was his first day at middle school. Nothing has changed, he is still way too excited. 

Jason meagrely grabbed his bag and headed out to the car. Trina stopped him on the way. 

“Any problems with the others, let me know and I’ll deal with them. I want you to be happy at school.”

“Thanks, mom.” He smiled.

Trina hugged him. “You’ll do great honey.” 

“Not low-key mom!” he yelled. 

“Sorry, sorry!” she smiled, and they drove to the school. 

As they approached the school, Jason ducked down so no one could see him in the car. It wasn’t that he was embarrassed to even be in the car with Trina and Mendel,   
but Mendel was popping and locking to ‘Six’, and that wasn’t exactly what he wanted other people to think of him. 

He got out of the car at his earliest opportunity without even a goodbye to his mom and stepdad. Luckily for him, no one saw him get out of the car and practically   
sprint away from the car as quickly as he could. 

“Bye Jason, have a great day!” Mendel yelled across the carpark, but Jason was already in the building. He tried not to let it get to him. Trina gave him a cold stare, but   
Mendel just smiled. 

“He’ll warm to the idea of being associated with the coolest teacher in the school, don’t panic”

“Oh, don’t worry, I’m only slightly panicking,” she replied quietly so Mendel wouldn’t hear him. Her phone pinged again. 

**Marius:** Hey, where are you guys? We’re in the staffroom waiting to have our early morning gossip before the devils arrive

**Madre:** We just got here, we’ll be as quick as we can

Mendel all but ran into the school building. Trina smiled fondly at his enthusiasm. She swears she saw him stop at the door to hug the exterior of the building, and was   
glad that not many people were here yet. 

She walked into the staffroom to see Mendel making them both coffee. He smiled brightly and handed her a mug before they joined the others in the corner, where the   
comfiest sofas were. 

Every morning, without fail, they gathered together to gossip about the other teachers and the students, it was their hobby. 

“So, who’s teaching Jason today?” Whizzer asked the group. 

“We all do” Cordelia replied. 

“Oh dear, he’s not going to like that” Trina acknowledged from the edge of the sofa, reading over a lesson plan for first period with Mendel leaning on her. 

“It’s not our fault he chose the subjects we all teach!” Marvin laughed. “He’ll just have to deal with it.” The rest of them nodded. 

“Just everyone take it easy on him. Try and treat him like any other student” Trina said abruptly. “He’ll shout at me if I don’t tell you all off if you don’t do as he says”. 

“Yes Miss” Marvin laughed. 

“I’m serious, Marvin.”

“Trina, I’m joking.” 

Trina didn’t say anything else, turning back to her lesson plan. 

The bell went, signalling them all to grab their things and wander to their classrooms. 

“Good luck guys, see you on the other side.” They all gave each other a sympathetic look and went their separate ways. 

**Scary Shakespeare:** Today is already the worst. I can’t get into the classroom and no one knows where the keys are. Send gin

**Marius:** Oh Marv ☹ 

**Scary Shakespeare:** Also, there are small children everywhere

**Marius:** Do you want me to come and get rid of them for you?

**Psycho:** It’s a school, what do you expect? 

**Scary Shakespeare:** Seriously, they are all tiny

**Fiery Cook:** I swear they get smaller every year

**Madre:** I just shout at them in Spanish and they all run off, would recommend shouting in German though, it sounds angrier 

**Sexy Doctor:** I don’t know German

**Madre:** Just growl then 

**Scary Shakespeare:** I’m meant to be the scary one but I can’t get rid of them. They’re all in my classroom

**Marius:** Marv, maybe they’re your class? 

**Scary Shakespeare:** Oh yeah

Jason was stood outside of his first class, Spanish with his mother. Surprisingly, he wasn’t that worried. She was the only one who seemed on his side. 

“Hola estudiantes, Hola hijo.” The students had never studied Spanish before, so no one knew she was saying hi to Jason. Jason was relieved when he sat down and   
nothing too dramatic had happened. 

“Right, welcome 9th grade, has anyone studied Spanish before?” No one put up their hand. 

“Fabulous, we’re going to start with simple grammar. We’re going to learn how to talk about our families…”

Brilliant, thought Jason, this is the beginning of the worst 4 years of his life.


	2. Mendel is Just so Chaotic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day continues, much to the annoyance of Jason.   
> More chaos from Mendel, what a surprise.

After Spanish, Jason had English with Marvin. He was worried about seeing his Father’s unhealthy passion for Shakespeare up close, but it wasn’t the lesson he was dreading most, so how bad could it be? On his way out of the class, Trina smiled at him enthusiastically, but was distracted when she got a message from the group chat. 

**Scary Shakespeare:** How did it go with Jason Trina? 

**Madre:** It was good, I think, I was trying my best to be low-key, I spoke to him in Spanish and no one understood what I was saying

**Marius:** Wow, very low-key 

**Scary Shakespeare:** Good idea! Maybe I’ll talk to him in Shakespearean language! Thanks for the tip 

**Madre:** *Facepalm emoji* Not what I meant! 

**Marius:** Marv, please don’t do anything drastic

There was no time to go and speak to Marvin before his lesson, so she’d just have to hope for the best. She had another class after she shouted in German at some   
students loitering outside the toilets. 

“Hören Sie auf zu lauern!” she shouted, and they all legged it like they’d seen Marvin coming round the corner. Yep, German definitely sounds scarier. 

Jason made his way to English on the other side of the building, and he arrived slightly later than everyone else. When he entered the classroom, he heard his dad   
shout “GOOD WOMBS HAVE BORNE BAD SONS!”, scaring the living daylights out of him. Marvin pointed to his seat, with Jason giving him a death stare. 

“Don’t be late again or I’ll have you memorise a soliloquy.” Jason just put his head in his hands. 

“Right everyone, my name is Mr Gardens but feel free to call me Shakespeare, William etc. We’re going to be studying the best playwright in the world today, can   
anyone tell me who it is?”

“Sophocles?” Jason answered. 

“How dare you even suggest such a thing! You speak an infinite deal of nothing! It’s Shakespeare, obviously!” He declared, clapping his hands like an excited child   
being gifted a pony. 

Marvin’s lesson wasn’t bad, he was just weird mostly, reciting Shakespeare left, right and centre so no one really understood what he was saying. 

At the end of the lesson, Marvin assigned homework due the next day. He asked them to write an essay about why Shakespeare is, undoubtedly, the best playwright in   
the universe. Yes, he’s scary, but everyone just thought he was insane. 

“Right, I don’t like children very much so I’d appreciate it if you could go and bother a different teacher now,” Marvin said, signalling the end of his class. 

“I feel sorry for whoever has him as a dad” Jason heard a girl at the back of the class say. Me too, Jason thought. 

Next it was breaktime, and everyone regrouped in the staffroom to talk strategy. 

“I think I smashed it,” Marvin announced as he sauntered over to the sofa, where there was an empty seat next to Whizzer. 

“What makes you say that?” Whizzer replied

“Well, I recited Shakespeare as he came in, obviously. How else should I deal with the situation?” he rolled his eyes, thinking everyone else was clearly stupid for not   
thinking of it before. 

“Marv, what exactly did you say to him?”

“I yelled, “good wombs have borne bad sons”, from The Tempest”. 

“Right. You tried I suppose,” Whizzer placed his hand on Marvin’s knee. “I’ll get you a coffee”

“Thanks Whizzer”. Whizzer walked over to the kettle, worrying that it would be like this every day, but glad that he didn’t have to be weird around Jason. He was, after   
all, the cool parent. 

On his way to the staffroom, Mendel saw Jason and a small group of his friends approaching. “Act normal, act normal, act normal,” he whispered repeatedly to himself. 

“Hey Jason!” It just came out, he couldn’t help it. He thought it was perfectly normal to say hi to a student! 

“Jason, how does that teacher know you? We haven’t even had any of his classes yet” Jason’s friend, Samantha, asked him. 

“No idea, he’s probably one of the weird ones who memorises his class’ pictures before he even meets them”. They all laughed, thinking Mendel hadn’t heard him. 

However, Mendel did hear him, and he immediately went to Trina’s classroom seeking moral support after the ghastly thing Jason just said about him. 

*Sniffle* “do you think he doesn’t want me to be his stepdad?” Mendel sat at a desk, Trina sat on the table in front of him, stroking his head. 

“Of course he does, he just doesn’t want to be embarrassed in front of his new friends, that’s all.”

“So should I just ignore him?” He looked up at Trina with wide, puppy eyes. 

“No, just treat him like any normal student”

“But he’s not just a normal student, he’s my family!”

“I know baby, but maybe just tone down your love for him a little, you can dote on him all you want at home”

*Sniffle* he sighed. “Okay, I’ll see you later”. He kissed Trina and left for his classroom. 

Trina didn’t think he was being completely ridiculous, but he hoped he wouldn’t embarrass himself by trying too hard to treat him like a normal student. 

**Marius:** Who’s got Mendel, someone needs to keep an eye on him

**Madre:** He just left my room. He tried to say hi to Jason and shit hit the fan. He’s not in a good way

**Marius:** Who, Jason or Mendel?

Back in the staffroom, Cordelia finally emerged from the grasp of the devils and appeared on the sofa. 

“Who has Jason next?”

“Mendel” Trina replied, also having just arrived in the staffroom. 

“Oh good Lord” she replied, the rest of them exchanging nervous looks about what would happen with Mendel being in the same room as Jason. 

A short while later, the bell rang for period three, and they all went their separate ways. 

“Go team!” Charlotte yelled, as though she was at a baseball game. 

“Woo!” Cordelia then shouted in support of her wife’s enthusiasm. No one else shared their enthusiasm, especially Marvin, as he really hated children. 

Jason approached Mendel’s classroom with sheer terror. If anyone was going to be normal, it definitely wasn’t going to be Mendel. Yes, Mendel was a good parent, but   
his enthusiasm for education was unhealthier than Marvin’s Shakespeare obsession. He couldn’t wait for this lesson to be over. 

“Hello, student I’ve never met before. Your seat is over there, stranger”. Jason rolled his eyes when he made his way over to his seat, making a mental note to talk to   
his mom about this later. Mendel just couldn’t cope with feeling abandoned.

“Hey people, I’m Mr Weisenbachfeld, and I’ll be your psychology teacher for the next year, but hopefully you’ll love it as much as I do and want to continue it next   
year!” He grinned at the students, but they all blanked him. 

“Sir?” 

“Yes! A question, I love questions,” Lies, thought Jason, he knew Mendel was frightened of questions. 

“Why do you have the same surname as our Spanish teacher?” 

“Ah, well, erm,” Mendel didn’t know what to say and became flustered. See, Jason thought, frightened of questions. Mendel and Trina hadn’t discussed how to   
approach being married at school. 

“I sort of got married over the, over the summer, and I married Mrs Weisenbachfeld” He replied in delight. Jason did smile at how much Mendel loved his mother, but it   
was cringy to hear him talk about her in front of the entire class. 

“Awww” he heard the rest of the room talk about how cute it is that they got married. 

Jason was definitely glad he didn’t have the same surname as Mendel, because that would give the game away immediately! 

“We honeymooned in Italy, I have holiday pictures!!!” immediately the lesson plan was derailed, and they spent the hour looking at his holiday pictures. 

“Do you have children, sir?” Brilliant, another question. 

Mendel looked at the girl who asked the question with sad eyes. 

“I do, but he’s my stepson and he doesn’t want anything to do with me.” That was a bit melodramatic. 

“That’s sad, I think you’d be a great dad, sir.”

“Thank you my dear, that’s very nice of you to say”. When he spoke, he looked Jason in the eye, making sure to express as much sadness as he could through the use   
of puppy eyes, something he often used when Jason was being mean to him. 

“Right, class, next time we should probably do some work,” Mendel scratched his head, wondering how he managed to go a whole hour talking about Trina. 

Jason exited the classroom as quickly as possible, pretty much running out of the door. He couldn’t believe Mendel was taking it so personally. 

Next, he had music with Whizzer. At least he didn’t have to stress about it too much, because he likes being associated with him. He’s cool, he wears leather jackets!

“Hey Jason!” he said excitedly as Jason entered the classroom. 

“Hey Mr Brown!” he replied, glad that he wasn’t being as weird as the rest of his family. 

“Hey everyone, I’m Mr Brown, and I’m going to be your form tutor for this year! You can come to me with any worries or concerns, or even to give me a present,   
anything is appreciated!” The class laughed, glad that he was more normal than the rest of their teachers. 

“Sir,” a boy asked from the back of the class. 

“Yes,” Whizzer answered, sitting on his desk at the front of the room. 

“None of us like our English teacher, he’s odd and shouts Shakespeare at us.”

“Ah, you’ll be talking about Mr Gardens?” The whole class nodded. 

Jason shared a knowing look with Whizzer and Whizzer made a mental note to ask Jason about it later. 

“Well, unfortunately I can’t help you with that. He’s just enthusiastic, but you’ll get used to him.” 

“Can’t you talk to him about it?

“I suppose I could when we get home.” He looked at the confused students who sat before him, and he just realised what he’d said. 

“What?” He heard someone say. 

“Oh, he’s my husband,” Whizzer replied matter-of-factly, turning around to write something on the whiteboard. He heard gasps across the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading this chapter, I hope you all enjoyed it!   
> Any comments are more than welcome :)  
> Stay safe x


	3. The Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of the day.   
> Jason gives them feedback.   
> Mendel is precious.

Charlotte and Cordelia’s lessons go better than the others. They at least know how to respect boundaries. They were, however, purposefully endeavouring to be the best godparents in the world, and therefore a substitute for his real parents who did nothing but embarrass him at every opportunity. Okay, at least they would do a better job than Mendel, and that was not exactly difficult. 

“Charlotte” Cordelia whispered from inside a storage cupboard. Cordelia pulled her into the cupboard when she didn’t hear her. 

“Cordelia! What on earth are you doing? Why are we in a cupboard?” 

“It’s more dramatic.”

“What do you mean, more dramatic?”

“More secretive, they do it in all of the films! Anyway, listen, I have a plan. If we both do   
exactly as Jason says, he’ll like us better than his own parents, and we’ll be allowed to be   
enthusiastic about his existence!” 

“That, Cordelia, is a very good plan. You are a genius, but maybe try to tone down the   
enthusiasm sweetie.”  
……………………………………………………..

So that’s how they ended up here, walking smugly into the staffroom at the end of the day. It had been a trying day for everyone trying to keep Jason happy, and some thought they had done better than others. 

“Right, time to regroup, how did it go for everyone, is anyone in Jason’s bad book?” Trina   
sat them all down. 

“Well, I think it’s fair to say that Marvin and Mendel did the worst” Whizzer replied, sipping   
his coffee subtly. 

“Hey! What did I do?” Marvin interjected, whacking Whizzer playfully on the arm. 

“Marv, you yelled Shakespeare at him, that’s not exactly low-key!”

“I’m gay, I’m naturally not very low-key!” He argued back, making Whizzer laugh. 

“Oi, I’m serious…”

Just then, Cordelia and Charlotte waltzed in, grinning. “I think we win”

“And why’s that?” Marvin was sulking now. Marvin was angry that his best friends did a   
better job than he did teaching his own son

“We were as low-key as low-key can possibly be, and he’s not angry with us”.

“That is so unfair,” Trina argued. “I didn’t do anything wrong either!” She crossed her arms   
to express her anger in a suitable fashion. 

“Yeah, but you’re his mom, you’re not cool anyway,” Charlotte replied very matter-of-  
factly. Trina huffed at this. 

Just then, Mendel arrived looking like a lost puppy. 

“Mendel, what’s up baby?” Trina asked him, very concerned for his welfare. 

“I think we should get a divorce,” he replied, glumly. 

“What, why?” she gasped, “Oh, is it because of Jason?”

He sat down as far away from Trina as possible. “He clearly doesn’t love me, so I can’t be   
in his life, it would be damaging for me to remain in his home.”

“Mendel, look at me,” Trina cupped his face fondly. “He doesn’t hate you, no one could   
ever hate you, you’re far too precious.” She kissed his head, pulling him into a hug. 

The rest of them looked on, sharing concerned looks. 

“Definitely too precious,” Marvin mocked. 

“Let’s get you home and fed, shall we?” Trina hooked her arm around Mendel’s waist as   
they made their way out to the car. 

“He’s actually lost it,” Marvin whispered to Whizzer. Whizzer snorted, taking Marvin’s hand   
as they followed Trina and Mendel out to the carpark. Jason was getting the bus home to   
avoid the embarrassment. 

…………………………………………………..

When Jason did eventually get home, everyone was sat around the dining table, looking   
nervously between Mendel and Jason. 

“Jason, sit down honey,” Trina said, breaking the tension that heightened every time   
Mendel looked at him. “How was your first day?”

Jason was scarred by the whole ordeal. “It was the worst day of my life.”

“That’s a bit harsh!” Marvin interrupted. He looked outraged but, then again, he thought   
he did well. 

“Is it, dad? You yelled Shakespeare at me, and someone said they felt sorry for your   
children.” Everyone laughed, except Marvin. 

“And Mendel, well, I think it’s fair to say you’re the worst of a bad bunch!” 

“Jason,” Trina interrupted him. “Mendel is feeling very fragile today.” She rubbed Mendel’s   
back sympathetically, hugging him so he didn’t have to look at the stepson who betrayed   
him. 

“Well did he tell you that he showed the whole class your honeymoon photos?” Marvin   
snorted this time. 

“No, he did not”, Trina replied, looking sternly at Mendel. 

“Look, guys, I appreciate that you all tried to be low-key, but if you could try a bit harder I   
would really appreciate it.”

“As you keep saying, the majority of us are gay, so there is no way low-key is going to   
happen, we were all born to be fabulous!” Whizzer argued. Cordelia snorted. 

“I know, Whizzer, and I love you all for that, but today was painful.”

“Honey, we will all try to be better, now do you need any help with your homework?” Trina   
tried to change the subject. 

“Only dad’s homework, you know, the essay about why Shakespeare is the best playwright   
ever,” They all turned to look at Marvin. 

“What?!” He looked as though it was a perfectly normal piece of homework to set. “I’ll help   
you, Jason. Might be a good idea to get some quotes in there as well, ooh and some   
context!” Whizzer laughed at Marvin’s response. 

“What, Whizzer?”

“Nothing, it’s just you’re cute when you get excited about Shakespeare.” He kissed   
Marvin’s shoulder, making Marvin blush. 

“How did I do?” Cordelia asked. Gripping Charlotte’s hand for reassurance. 

“Well, let’s see, you had to suppress a scream when you said my name in the register, you   
dropped a spoon when I put my hand up to ask a question, and you wouldn’t stop going   
on about Charlotte!”

“Aw baby!” Charlotte interrupted, kissing Cordelia’s cheek. 

Cordelia’s face dropped. Marvin cackled, absolutely thrilled that Cordelia did worse than   
she thought. 

“Erm, how about me Jason?” Charlotte then asked, nervous about his reply given what he   
said about Charlotte. 

“You wouldn’t shut up about your godson’s baseball team!” 

“Yeah, but I didn’t say your name!” She tried to defend herself. 

“You said his name was Jace, it’s as close as you’re going to get!” 

Trina put her hand up, asking permission from her son to speak. “So shall we just settle on   
the fact that we all did absolutely dreadfully today?” 

“Except Whizzer, he did fine.” Whizzer looked smug as everyone turned to look at him.   
They all gave him piercing looks. 

“I hate you,” Marvin mouthed at him. This just made Whizzer smile even more, sitting up   
straight and waving like he was in the royal family. 

“I shall take my crown and wear it with pride,” he then proceeded to grab an empty pan   
from the middle of the table and wear it like a crown. 

Marvin then whacked the pan with a wooden spoon, causing Whizzer to fall off his chair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so so much for reading this fic, it means so much to me to know that you're all enjoying my writing.   
> Any comments are so appreciated! :)  
> Stay safe! x


	4. Mendel Panics Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mendel has a picture of Jason on his desk.   
> A student notices, so he takes drastic action.

The next morning, Mendel was his usual enthusiastic self and Trina was trying to keep him under control. 

“Morning sweetheart!” he exclaimed, bounding down the stairs as he greeted his beloved wife. 

“Mendel, calm down, it’s only 7am and I haven’t even had a coffee yet,” Trine responded with puffy eyes, having only woken up 10 minutes ago. Mendel snuck up   
behind her and put his arms around her waist, kissing her shoulder. 

“You look beautiful, by the way,” he whispered. 

“Ha! Lies, but thank you. I should go and get ready, is Jason up yet?”

“I woke him up the same way I always do, and he fell out of bed again so he’s in a sour mood,” Mendel replied, confused about why anyone would be angry at him, as if   
surely everyone would want to be woken up in that way. 

“No wonder,” Trina said under her breath, walking back up the stairs to get ready with a coffee in hand. 

She knocked on Jason’s door. “Jason, are you getting ready?”

“Hmm,” he grumbled from underneath his duvet. Trina rolled her eyes and continued towards her bedroom. Once she put her coffee down, she noticed that one of the   
photos of her, Mendel and Jason was gone from its usual place on Mendel’s bedside table, but didn’t think anything of it. Mendel must have moved it. 

She didn’t have time to look for it, she had to get ready and get her family out of the door. 

“Right,” she said, making her way back downstairs after grabbing her bag, “let’s get going!” As always, Mendel was stood next to the door grinning while Jason was   
slouching next to him. 

They both followed her out to the car. 

“Ready for another day at school, buddy?” Mendel asked Jason as they got into the car. 

“Not really, I didn’t finish my dad’s homework and I’m worried he’ll yell more Shakespeare at me,” he said, miserably. 

“Oh, come on, he can’t have that many quotes memorised!” 

“You’d be surprised.” 

They soon arrived at school, seeing that Marvin and Whizzer had already arrived. “Hi Trina!” Whizzer shouted across the carpark. They didn’t use to be friends, but a   
couple of years ago they talked it out and became closer. Trina waved, smiling as Whizzer and Marvin approached her hand in hand. They all walked into the school   
together, Jason going in the opposite direction as they entered the building. No one could blame him, who wanted to arrive with four teachers? 

“Have a great day Jason!” Mendel shouted to Jason, who just kept walking. Mendel stopped taking it personally, but couldn’t deny that it still hurt him a bit. Trina   
hooked her arm through Mendel’s and guided him towards the staffroom. 

“Hey fam!” Cordelia smiled as she saw them arrive in the staffroom. None of them knew what ‘fam’ meant but didn’t want to admit it as they absolutely refused to feel   
old in comparison with their child’s godparents. 

“Hi… Fam?” He looked at Whizzer amused at Cordelia’s attempt at being down with the kids. 

“Right team, who has Jason first today?” Charlotte asked to the group, who were all sipping coffees sat in their respective spaces on the sofas. 

“I do, but nobody panic,” Mendel said, putting his hands up in defence. “I’m going to be low-key and normal. I’ve realised my mistake from yesterday, but I promise to   
be normal and ordinary and very, very normal.” Nobody believed him, but they didn’t want to dampen his mood. For some reason, the school environment excited him   
and that was just one thing that Trina loved about him. He just wanted the best for the young people of today, and no one could argue with that. 

Just then, interrupting Whizzer almost falling asleep, the bell rang loudly throughout the school, prompting them to part ways and head their separate ways. 

“Whizzer, baby, wake up,” Marvin shook Whizzer slightly. Whizzer frowned. 

“But why do I have to teach today?” He asked genuinely. 

“Whizzer honey, it’s your job. I’ll miss you,” Marvin smiled up at Whizzer, who was significantly taller, and reached up to kiss him. 

“I’ll miss you too, see you in two hours,” He replied, holding hands for as long as possible until they had to separate down the corridor. 

Mendel welcomed his class into the classroom and handed out the worksheets for today’s lesson, making sure to only speak to Jason when it was absolutely necessary.   
After handing out the sheets, he went to write on the whiteboard. 

“Sir, I don’t have a sheet,” a girl raised her hand. 

“There are some on my desk,” Mendel responded, not turning from the board. 

“Why do you have a picture of Jason on your desk Sir?” the student asked a few seconds later when collecting a sheet from the front of the room. 

Mendel just froze, completely forgetting he’d put that picture on his desk. Realising what was being asked, he immediately dropped his pen, juggling it haphazardly to   
stop it from clattering to the floor. He had to do something so he didn’t have to answer the question. He hated questions. 

Jason was sat at the back of the classroom chatting to his friends when he saw Mendel drop to the floor. Thinking he’d fallen over, he didn’t think anything of it, until a   
few seconds had passed and he still hadn’t emerged from behind the desk. 

“Mendel?” Jason ran to the front of the classroom and saw Mendel lying on the floor, unresponsive. 

“Mendel!” Jason immediately grabbed his phone from his pocket and rang Charlotte. Although she was a biology teacher, she did in fact have a medicine degree, but   
far preferred teaching to doctoring. 

“Jason? I’m teaching a class!” she whispered on the other end of the phone. 

“Charlotte, Mendel’s collapsed and I don’t know what to do, you have to come quickly!” 

“I’m on my way!” She got someone to cover her class and ran to find Jason. There was no way she was going to lose a member of her tight-knit family to follow the   
rules of her job. 

“Mom!” Jason then thought he should phone Trina, since her husband was currently laying on the floor. 

“Jason? What’s wrong honey?” She didn’t sound panicked by Jason’s call. 

“Mom, Mendel’s collapsed, Charlotte’s on her way but I thought you should probably be here,” 

“Jason, don’t leave him, I’ll be there in a minute!” She hung up and ran to Mendel’s classroom to see Charlotte already bent over Mendel on the floor, checking his   
breathing. The whole class were stood up, looking scared. 

“He’s breathing but not waking up,” Charlotte looked around at Trina, who looked white as paper. 

“Mendel, baby, please wake up,” Trina ran over to Mendel and grabbed his hand, kissing it. She didn’t care who knew about their marriage, she just wanted her   
husband to be okay. 

Jason texted Marvin, Whizzer and Cordelia to let them know what had happened. 

Just as Charlotte was about to call an ambulance, Mendel opened his eyes to see Trina in tears beside him. “Oh Mendel,” She gasped in relief as he woke up, kissing his   
head and stroking his hair. 

“Mendel, you collapsed, we need to get you to the nurse.” Charlotte and Trina helped him up and escorted him to the nurse. Trina refused to leave him, but Charlotte   
had to get back to her class. 

“Mendel, what happened?” She asked, sitting on the bed beside him. He didn’t reply, looking timidly around the room until Trina asked again. 

“Trina I’m so sorry, I was only doing it to protect Jason.”

“Protect Jason, how?” 

“A student saw a picture of me, you and Jason on my desk and asked why I had a picture of Jason on my desk. I didn’t know what to do, you know I hate questions, so I   
thought it was my only option. I didn’t want Jason to hate me. I completely forgot I had that picture, I just thought it would look cute on my desk.”

Trina was shook. “Oh Mendel, I’m just glad you’re okay, but no more faking a collapse to avoid answering a question. Your job is basically a professional question-  
answerer!” She laughed, hugging Mendel. Noticing she was sniffling, Mendel released her from a tight hug. 

“Trina?” 

“Oh, it’s nothing. I just don’t know what I’d have done if I’d lost you, that’s all,”

“I promise, baby, I’m not going anywhere, I’m sorry for scaring you, I just panicked,” Mendel comforted her. 

Just then, Trina’s phone starting pinging with messages from the group chat. 

**Marius:** Is Mendel okay?

**Cordelia:** What happened?! Jason texted!

**Scary Shakespeare:** I heard what happened, I hope he’s okay! 

Marvin felt bad texting at all, he hadn’t exactly been nice to Mendel since he and Trina got married.

**Madre:** He’s fine, I’ll explain later, don’t worry x

Back in Jason’s class, they had been left without a teacher so they sat on their phones and listening to music. 

“Jason, why did you call Mr Weisenbachfeld by his first name? And why do you have Mrs Weisenbachfeld’s number?” one of his friends, Thomas, asked him from across   
the table. The rest of their table looked at him. 

Jason no longer cared. He was so scared about losing his stepdad that he didn’t care what anyone thought anymore.

“She’s my mom, Mendel is my stepdad, Mr Gardens is my dad, Mr Brown is my stepdad and Charlotte and Cordelia are my godparents,” he mumbled, only slightly   
worried about what his friends would think of him now. It didn’t bother him anymore, he just wanted to make sure that Mendel was okay. 

“That’s so cool! You have so many teachers to help you with your homework!”

“Mr Brown is well cool! You’re so lucky!” The rest of his table replied. Thomas didn’t say anything, however, he just smiled, admiring how proud Jason was of his   
family. 

He rang Trina. “Mom, is Mendel okay? What happened?” 

“Jason, calm down. He’s fine.”

He exhaled a breath he didn’t realising he had been holding. “Can I come and see him?” 

“Not yet, Jason, he’ll explain tonight. You probably don’t want to be seen with him in school,”

“Mom, I told everyone, they’re all cool with it,”

“Oh, well I guess you can come and see him now then, he’s in the nurse’s office.” Jason hung up and grabbed his bag. 

“I’m going to see Mr Weisenbachfeld if anyone asks,” he said to the table, not noticing how Thomas was looking at him. 

Jason almost ran down the corridor towards Mendel. Bursting through the door, he saw Mendel sat on the bed holding his mom’s hand. 

“Mendel, are you okay?” he ran up and hugged him. 

“Yes, Jason, I’m fine. You’re mom told me how brave you were, thank you for what you did.”

“What happened? You’ve never collapsed before!” 

“Tell him the truth, Mendel, don’t scare the boy!” Trina gave Mendel a hard stare. 

“Well, erm, Jason, someone asked me why I had a picture of you on my desk and I forgot it was there and I didn’t want everyone to know your secret about how I’m   
your stepdad and I hate questions so I thought it was the only way out of the situation.” 

“Mendel, breathe,” Jason interrupted, noticing how scared Mendel looked about how he would react. 

“I’m sorry Jason, I just didn’t want to upset you by telling everyone that you’re my stepson.”

“It’s okay, I told everyone. They saw I had my mom’s number and wondered why, and they’re all super cool with it,” he replied. 

“So, I can say hi to you and high five you in the corridor?” Mendel looked up at Jason, hopeful. 

“Yes, Mendel, you can,” Jason smiled fondly at his stepdad. He felt bad for being embarrassed of him. He knew how loved he was by his whole family, and never wanted   
to hide it again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huge thank you to my amazing twin sister @Ginger_Holby for proof reading everything I write <3 *squish*  
> I hope you all enjoyed reading this chapter!   
> Huge love to you all, stay safe!   
> Any comments are more than welcome! X


	5. Stationary Shopping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They all go to Staples to buy stationary.  
> Nothing more needs to be said.

“SUPPLIES SHOPPING TIME!” Mendel yelled, echoing his voice throughout the house. He managed to scare Trina half to death, and she proceeded to stare at him with a murderous look in her eyes. 

“Mendel, honey, I know you’re excited, but we can’t go until the others get here,” Trina replied, sitting over a cup of coffee at the table.

He immediately started messaging the group chat. 

**Psycho:** Guys, where are you? We need to go shopping for folders and pens!!!!!!! 

**Sexy Doctor:** Mendel, I’m pretty sure you’re the only one excited about this

**Scary Shakespeare:** I’m excited too, I like the pretty folders and paper

**Marius:** He’s been ready for an hour already

**Psycho:** Get your asses over here so we can gooooo!!!

**Marius:** You’re all weird for being excited about stationary

**Marius:** Ow!

**Marius:** Marvin just whacked me

**Psycho:** You deserve it

**Scary Shakespeare:** You definitely deserved it

**Marius:** ☹

**Marius:** We’re on our way

**Psycho:** Wooooooo!!! 

“Marvin and Whizzer are on their way!” Mendel exclaimed, yet again scaring Trina who had not yet completely woken up. 

“Mendel, if you don’t stop talking you’ll know how Whizzer feels,” she said, very amused after reading the group chat. 

Just then, the doorbell rang and Mendel leaped like a gazelle to open it. 

Mendel gasped as if to say something when he saw Marvin and Whizzer on the other side of the threshold but, before he could, Whizzer put up his hand to stop him. 

“If you say one word about stationary, you’ll regret it.” Trina smiled at him thankfully, getting out her phone to message him so as not to annoy Mendel or Marvin. 

**Trina:** We should form a united front. Let our husbands roam free and we’ll hide in Starbucks?

**Whizzer:** This is why we’re friends 

“Well I for one love folders, I’ve been looking forward to this for ages!” Marvin chimed, clapping his hands like a child. 

“Yesss!” Mendel replied excitedly. “Trina, I don’t need you, I have a new best friend,” he then said, turning to Trina who remained wide-eyed, staring at Whizzer for sympathy. 

“We’re here!” Cordelia said, not bothering to ring the doorbell with Charlotte at her side. 

“Right, let’s go then,” Trina sighed, watching as Mendel galloped out to the car. She didn’t realise she’d be marrying an excitable toddler. 

The rest of them followed Mendel out to the car and reluctantly let him choose the music. This time, he chose 9 to 5, bopping along as the others watched in horror at how he knew every. single. word. of the entire thing. 

Marvin was relieved when they eventually arrived at the carpark of Staples. Mendel all but dragged Trina into the shop, who reached back trying to plead to Whizzer to save her. 

Cordelia and Charlotte were the only ones who didn’t have a necessarily strong opinion on stationary, but they weren’t exactly objecting to being here. 

“Hey! Can we go into the baking shop afterwards?” Cordelia asked, squeezing Charlotte’s hand. 

“Of course we can honey, let’s just get the stationary bit over with first.”

“Marvin look, look at all of the pretty things!” Mendel stopped at the doorway of the shop. Marvin stood beside him wide-eyed. Trina and Whizzer looked at each other with pity in their eyes, silently agreeing to keep an eye on their respective spouses and, if done successfully, they could reward themselves with a trip to Starbucks, and then the pub. 

“It’s beautiful,” Marvin replied, grabbing the biggest basket he could find and setting off into the depths of heaven, Mendel eagerly following behind him. 

Charlotte emerged from the paper aisle, pleading to Whizzer and Trina. “I’ve already lost Cordelia, I’ve tried calling her and I can’t find her anywhere. 

“We’ve literally been here for less than a minute!” Whizzer replied, looking around for Marvin. “And we’ve lost all three of them.”

“Oh blimey, it’s already gone to pot.” Trina inputted, sounding much less enthusiastic about finding her other half. “Can we go to Starbucks now?” 

“No. I want to find Marvin. What if he’s been hurt by Mendel for criticising his taste in pens?” Whizzer replied, trying to call Marvin. 

“I’m not going to lie, that’s actually pretty likely.” Both Trina and Whizzer ran in opposite directions to make sure no fights had happened between their spouses. 

Charlotte was left wondering where on earth Cordelia had gone, but she just sat down and hoped that Cordelia would run past her towards the pretty washi tapes, she knew she loved those. 

Meanwhile, on the other side of the shop, Whizzer found Marvin in full health, clearly not having criticised how Mendel only wrote with blue pens. 

“Look at how pretty they all are,” Marvin said quietly, staring up at the vast display of folders. 

“I know baby, but you don’t need all of them,” Whizzer replied, placing a hand on Marvin’s shoulder. When Whizzer thought he was going to say something else, Marvin’s eyes looked up at something that made them glisten. 

“Marvin, what is it?” Without saying a word, Marvin pointed towards a white folder with something that looked like a face on it. “Can you get that one down for me please?” he asked quietly, like a child asking for a toy to be brought down from a high shelf. Of course, Whizzer was much taller than the other man, so he reached up and grabbed it. As the folder came closer, he realised why it made Marvin so happy. It had Shakespeare’s face on it, and was covered in quotes from his plays. 

“I have never seen anything more beautiful,” Marvin then said, wrapping his arms protectively around the folder and pulling it closer. 

“Can I get this one?” Marvin looked up at Whizzer with soft puppy eyes, something he’d obviously picked up from Jason. Whizzer couldn’t possibly say no, and that’s how they ended up wandering around the shop with said folder. He looked like he was carrying a puppy, taking care to walk slowly as to not drop it. 

As they were walking towards the post-it-notes, Trina found Mendel. 

“There you are!” she exclaimed, startling Mendel. He was intensely reading the back of a pack of pens trying to figure out how well they could write. 

“Honey, does it matter what pens you buy?” Trina then said, which was obviously a mistake. 

Mendel look at her in horror. “Of course it does! They need to not run out and I need to be able to be comfortable while using them. I can’t have my hand being sore when marking books and tests. You clearly have no respect for the art of pen buying.” He then walked off in a huff, Trina instead going to sit with Charlotte until it was all over. 

As was expected, Cordelia could be seen running past them towards the pretty washi tapes. Charlotte looked at Trina with a pitiful look and quickly went after her, attempting to reduce the amount of money they would spend by sneakily taking out some of the pretty pencils. Who needs pencils to teach food technology anyway!?

Trina sat on her own at the side of the shop watching the world pass by. An old couple asked her if she was okay, and she replied “yes thank you, I’m waiting for my husband to be done. I criticised his taste in pens.”

“I understand dear, well good luck.” They smiled and left, leaving her on her own once more. She desperately hoped that Mendel wouldn’t try to buy the entire shop. At least he wouldn’t buy the bad pens. 

A short while later, she saw Marvin and Whizzer approaching with a basket of highlighters and post-it-notes. They slid down the wall to sit beside her. 

“What have you got there Marvin?” she asked, noticing how pleased he was with himself. 

Marvin looked at her and squeezed the item tighter. “Shakespeare folder,” he said quietly. Whizzer smiled at how adorable he looked being so protective over a folder. Boy did he love him. 

“Cordelia, you don’t need all of the washi tapes!” They heard Charlotte almost yell at the end of the aisle. They didn’t bother going to intervene, Cordelia would buy them all anyway.

“I do! I need to stick them on the cupboards and spoons and forks!” Cordelia protested, grabbing the basket back from her wife. 

“Fine, have it your way!” Charlotte returned to join Trina in the quiet part of the shop. 

“I swear some of us will end up divorced over stationary. Maybe we should marry each other, let Mendel and Cordelia bond?” Charlotte laughed, looking at Trina. 

“That’s a good idea. I don’t think Mendel likes me anymore anyway. He yelled at me over some pens.” Trina replied glumly, worried that some pens would be the cause of a divorce. 

Eventually, Mendel emerged from the depths of stationary land but refused to look at Trina. She just rolled her eyes at how petty he was being. She went to get in the car while the others beelined towards the tills. She didn’t need coffee, she needed a vodka after that ordeal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all like this chapter! I, for one, absolutely love stationary shopping, so this chapter was so much fun to write.  
> Thank you for all the comments and kudos so far, it means so much!  
> Stay safe everyone! :) x

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you all for reading, it means the world :)   
> I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it!  
> There will be many more chapters!   
> Stay safe x


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